winter blues, spring sorrows.
the flowers will heal the ache i feel.
winter bleeds into spring and i am still stuck in my bed. it’s easy to pretend that things aren’t changing — always shifting, never staying still — if i keep my curtains down. winter has always been a safe place, in some way, regardless of the sadness the early sunset brings. regardless of how much pain i feel in my heart every time it comes around and stays for three months at a time.
i think i just really like it when it rains.
there’s comfort in the way water drops fall and hit my windows, and the way my cat sits on the windowsill even if he’s getting wet. bowie’s scared of water, but rain has never been an issue for him.
i wish i could focus on the good things, but right now i want to talk about the way winter weighs on my bones and sucks the life out of me drop by drop. in santiago, winter is in august, and it turns into a september spring. i don’t know many poems that talk about this, so i guess i should write my own.
still, charles g. d. roberts writes, in his poem titled september :
this windy, bright september afternoon
my heart is wide awake, yet full of dreams.
i’d say it applies, regardless of the fact that he’s talking about may here. for me, september is filled with bright mornings and lazy afternoons — cold air yet bright weather and so, so much love for the blooming flowers in my backyard.
i kind of forgot what the point of this entry was, but i guess i just like winter for the pain, but i like spring for the lack of it. I don’t feel sad about the sun leaving so soon, and i don’t have to put on two pairs of socks because the wooden floors in my house are too cold to walk on.
it’s just change, in a way. and i’ve always hated change. it’s winter blues to spring sorrows, and the sadness i feel every day is carved into my soul like a rune so it won’t really go away with a change of the weather, will it?
spring is bittersweet, and sometimes i wish i could experience an autumn halloween, but i like it the way it is. i forgot which poet said this ( i’m pretty sure it was amy gerstler, but don’t quote me on it ), but for every hurt, there’s a leaf to cure it. or something like that.
the flowers will heal my pain,
i’ll let them.
artwork by claude monet. anyway, here’s some things i enjoyed during the winter:
don’t hesitate by mary oliver. i think this is my favorite poem, has been for a while. if you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate.
i know the end by phoebe bridgers, liquid love by billie marten, holocane by bon iver. songs, i like them.
video games. this one is silly, but recently i got back into playing the sims four. i think i spend more time creating sims than actually playing the game, though.
thank you for reading, and i hope to see you again next week!
love, rowan. <3